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A Boy and His Cat文◎ Judith S. Joyhnessee

I'm not sure how he got to my clinic. He didn't look old enough to drive, although his child's body had begun to，broaden and he moved with the heavy grace of youngmanhood. His face was direct and open.

When I walked into the waiting room, he was lovingly petting his cat through the open door of the carrier on his lap. With a schoolboy's faith in authority , he had brought his sick cat in for me to mend. The cat was a tiny thing, exquisitely formed, with a delicate skull and beautiful markings. She was about the boy's own age, give or take a year. I could see how her spots and stripes and her fierce, bright face had evoked the image of a tiger in a child's mind, and Tigress she had become. Age had dammed the bright green fire of her eyes into faded lace, but she was still elegant and self-possessed.

I began to ask questions to determine what had brought this charming pair to see me. Unlike most adults, the boy answered simply and directly. Tigress had had a normal appetite until recently, when she'd begun to vomit a couple of times a day. Now she was not eating at all and had withdrawn from her human family. She had also lost a pound, which is a lot when you weigh only six.

Stroking Tigress, I told her how beautiful she was while I examined her eyes and mouth, listened to her heart and lungs, and felt her stomach. My fingers found it: a tubular mass in mid-abdomen. Tigress politely tried to slip away. She did not like the mass being handled.

I looked at the fresh faced boy and back at the cat he had probably had all his 1ife. I was going to have to tell him that his beloved companion had a tumor. Even if it were surgically removed, she probably would survive less than a year, and might need weekly chemotherapy to last that long.

It would all be very difficult and expensive. So I was going to have to tell this boy that his cat was likely to die. And there he was, all alone. Death is something we push to the background and ignore as long as possible, but in reality every living thing we love will die. It is an omnipresent part of life. How death is first experienced can be life-forming. It can be a thing of horror and suffering, or a peaceful release.

So I would have to guide the boy through this myself. 1 did not want the burden. It had to be done perfectly, or he might end up emotionally scarred. It would have been easy to shirk this task and summon a parent. But when l looked at the boy's face, I could not do it. He knew something was wrong. I could not just ignore him. So I talked to him as Tigress's rightful owner and told him as gently as I could what I had found, and what it meant.

As I spoke, the boy jerked convulsively away from me, probably so I could not see his face, but I had seen it begin to twist as he turned. I sat down and turned to Tigress, to give the boy some privacy, and stroked her beautiful old face while I discussed the alternatives with him. I could do a biopsy of the mass, let her fade away at home, or give her an injection and put her to sleep. He listened carefully and nodded gravely. He said he didn't think she was very comfortable anymore,and he didn't want her to suffer.

I offered to call a parent to explain what was everything again with the father while the boy listened and petted his cat. Then I let father speak to son. The boy paced and gestured and his voice broke a few times, but when he hung up, he turned to me with dry eyes and said they had decided to put her to sleep.

No rage, no denial, no hysteria, just acceptance of the inevitable. I could see, though, how much it was costing him. I could not control the tears streaming down my face, or the grief I felt welling inside for this boy who had to become a man so quickly and so alone.

He held her head and reassured her while I administered the injection. She drifted off to sleep, her head cradled in his hand. The animal looked quiet and at rest. The owner now bore all the suffering.

Something was missing, though. I did not feel I had completed my task. It came to me suddenly that though I had asked him to become a man instantly, and he had done so with grace and strength, he was still a child. I held out my arms and asked him if he needed a hug. He did indeed, and in truth, so did I.

一貓一世情文◎朱蒂絲 約翰森

我不知道他是怎樣來到我的診所的。他看起來還沒到可以開車的年齡，雖然他那孩童的身軀已經開始發(fā)育，舉手投足間也充滿了年輕男子的翩翩風度。他的表情坦率而真誠。

他的膝蓋上放著一個貓籠，當我走進候診室時，他正把手伸進敞開的小門，親切地愛撫著他的貓。出于對的信任，他將他那生病的貓帶到我這里來治療。貓的個頭兒不大，身形纖美，有著精致的小腦袋和美麗的斑紋。她的年紀和那男孩差不多大，兩者相差不超過一歲。我可以從她的斑點和條紋，還有她那野性機靈的臉龐上看出，在孩子的心目中她就像是一只老虎，所以她的名字就叫虎妞。隨著年歲的增長，衰老使得她眼中明亮的綠色火焰黯然失色，但她依然優(yōu)雅自若。

我開始問診，了解為什么這兩個可愛的家伙會到我這里來。和大多數成年人不同的是，男孩的回答簡單而直接。虎妞的胃口一向正常，直到最近她開始每天嘔吐好幾次。如今她不吃不喝了，還躲避著她的人類家庭。她已經瘦了一磅(約四百五十克)——如果她只有六磅重的話，這就瘦得很厲害了。我撫摸著虎妞，一邊對她說她有多么美麗，一邊檢查她的眼睛和嘴巴，聽她的心肺，輕按她的胃部。我發(fā)現在她腹部的中部有個腎小管團。虎妞客氣地試圖溜走。她不喜歡被人摸到那塊東西。

我看了看男孩稚嫩的臉龐，然后又看了看那只或許從小就陪伴著他的貓。我將不得不告訴他，他至愛的伙伴得了腫瘤。即便做手術摘除了，她可能也活不過一年，而且可能還要每個星期做化療才能維持。

這樣治療難度頗大，且費用高昂，所以我將不得不告訴這個男孩，他的貓很可能會死去。然后，就剩下他孤單一人了。我們常常刻意漠視死亡：盡可能長時間地忽視它的存在，但實際上，我們深愛的每個生命都會死去。死亡是生命中揮之不去的一部分。及時次直面死亡的經歷會影響往后的生活。它可能會是一件恐怖而痛苦的事情，或者也可能會是一種安詳的解脫。

所以，我將不得不親自指引這個男孩渡過難關。我不想背負這個重任。死亡必須要盡善盡美，否則他可能會遭受情感創(chuàng)傷。要想逃避這個任務而找他的某位親人代為告知很容易辦到，但是當我看到那個男孩的臉龐時，我實在不忍心。他知道有點兒不對勁。我不能就這樣無視他。于是我向虎妞的合法主人——小男孩道出了她的病情，盡可能溫和地告訴他我的診斷，以及這意味著什么。

當我說話時，男孩抽搐著猛然扭過頭去，認為這樣我就看不到他的臉了，但在他轉頭時，我看到他的臉開始扭曲。我坐了下來，轉向虎妞，給男孩留點兒私人空間，并輕輕撫摸小貓那蒼老卻依舊美麗的臉龐，和他談論別的處理方式。我可以給腎小管團做切片，讓她在家慢慢死去，或是給她打一針，讓她長眠。他仔細地聽著，沉重地點著頭。他說，他認為她身體狀況不大好，他也不想讓她再受苦。

我提出給他的家人打個電話，說明這件事情。他給了我他父親的號碼。我把整件事情又對他的父親述說了一遍，男孩邊聽邊撫摸著他的貓。接著，我讓他父親跟他通話。男孩邊踱步邊比畫，他的聲音中斷了好幾次，但當他掛上電話時，他轉向我，沒有流淚，只說他們決定讓她長眠。

沒有憤怒，沒有拒絕，沒有情緒失控，只有對無可避免的事實的接受。但是我看得出，這有多傷他的心。我無法自制，淚水滑下臉龐，或是感覺到男孩心中滿溢的悲傷，他必須成為一個男子漢，雖然一切來得這么快，又這么令人孤單無助。

當我進行注射時，他捧著她的頭，讓她安心。她漸漸沉睡過去，她的頭枕在他的手上。她看上去寧靜而安詳。而此刻，她的主人背負了所有的苦痛。

但是，還有事情沒做。我覺得我還沒有完成自己的任務。我突然想起來，雖然我讓他迅速成為一個男子漢，而他也優(yōu)雅而堅強地做到了，但他依然是個孩子。我伸出了雙臂，問他是否需要一個擁抱。他確實需要，而且說實在的，我也需要。